Some Thoughts on Mother's Day and My Misplaced Awe

Today was Mother's Day. It was a beautiful blue skies and sunshine filled day and it was truly an incredible day celebrating with family and friends the role our Mom's play in our lives. I was reminded how blessed I am to have the family I have and for the relationships we share and the memories we get to make together. Today was also the first time I felt more out of place than normal on Mother's Day. You see, today more than ever before, I felt like I wasn't enough because I wasn't a mom. Well meaning people at church casually say, 'Happy Mother's Day, oh wait, you're not a mom yet' then laugh it off without realizing the pain that exchange brings. The waiter at the restaurant who seemed to keep forgetting who the mom's were at our table and needed to ask multiple times. The radio announcers reminding us that it is a day to celebrate Mom's.

All of these are true and all of these are good things to do. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my mom. She is one of the most caring people I know. She continues to serve my sisters and me and is an incredible example of what a God-honoring mom looks like. I want to celebrate her and the gift she is to not only me, but to hundreds of other people.

However, today did not help the battle that rages in my heart. You see, I would love to be a mom someday. I dream and wonder what it will feel like to hold my own little one in my lap and to hear him or her call me mommy. Just typing this I get goose bumps and tears in my eyes. The smell of a newborn baby, the wonder of what and who he or she will grow up to be. And the privilege it would be to nurture that little life to come to know, love and serve God with his or her life. Motherhood is a special gift from God.

I just finished reading Paul David Tripp's book Awe: Why it Matters for Everything we Think, Say and Do. Since reading it, I have been more aware of the things that fill my mind with awe - instead of the Creator filling my mind with awe. I realize that if I am not careful, I can quickly replace my awe of God with awe of self. I too quickly think that the title Mom is something that is the end-goal. That is when I will make it. But really, the title that I know is far more important than the title mom, is the Daughter of the King. Am I worthy of having such title? No. Not for a second. But, God graciously gives us this title and this one is far more important than the title Mom.

I realized today that this day didn't help me keep my awe on God. It was a great day with family and friends, but inwardly, I failed. I mistakenly let my awe slip to the title of mom and off of the title of daughter. I don't know what things you find your awe of self dwelling on, but may this remind you that nothing and no one deserves our awe other that Jesus Christ.

"Awe of God means that God has a plan far bigger and better than any plans I have for myself. Awe of God humbles me. It puts me in my place. It reminds me that I am small, that since I am a creature of One who is far greater, it cannot be all about me." (p.61)

Mother's Day is over and gone with for another 364 days, but let's remember that instead of just picking one day to celebrate the mom's - Singles, Married, Divorced, Mothers, Future Mother's, Grandmothers, Adoptive Mom's, Foster Mom's, Aunts: let's daily strive to be women that have an awe of God that others can't help but see. God is Sovereign and knows the deepest parts of your heart. To each of you as you read this, may your awe be solely focused on God because then and only then:

"(will you) see that you are wired for awe, that awe of something sits at the bottom of everything you say and do. But you aren't just wired for awe. You are wired for awe of God. No other awe satisfies your soul. No other awe can give your heart the peace, rest, and security that it seeks." (p. 12)

Kingdom Mindsets and Eternal Glasses

Earlier this month I was able to go on a mission trip with our High School students. 67 of us went to inner city LA to do ministry with the Dream Center. It was a humbling and life-changing time for our students and leaders alike and I am so grateful God blessed me with the chance to go. I have been going hard since and have barely been able to reflect and process what God taught me and today I finally did that. As we walked the streets of Skid Row and talked to one person after the other, I was struck by how the people we met were not worried about what the rest of their lives were going to look like - they simply were trying to figure out how they were going to get their next meal.

As someone who likes to plan things, I find it easy to be in control. To know what is supposed to happen, when it is supposed to happen and how it is supposed to happen. I fail to realize that that is not how God works. I like to look at my future and think that I have it figured out. I know what it will look like and I think I know what will be best.

In LA, I realized that I was failing to live with a kingdom mindset. It is common for young people to not think much about the future and to think we are invincible. I sadly fall into this way too quickly than I would like to admit. I tend to have the "glasses" on that are a little bit fuzzy, but where I can see my hands and me planning my future because I have it in control. God took me all the way to LA to discover that I can't wear those glasses - I need to have eternal glasses on. When we look at life and look at our future with eternity in mind, everything becomes a little bit clearer. I can see farther and I can see my hands are open and surrendered to the one that holds the future in His hands.

The God who created the world, who lead the Israelites through the wilderness, who parted the Red Sea, who sent his only Son to die for my behalf is the SAME God that is holding me and my future. It grieves me to think that I so quickly put on the glasses that tell me I am in control and I can figure things out on my own because I really can't. I can, however put on the eternal glasses and suddenly everything becomes a bit more clear. Knowing what to say yes to becomes a little easier. Knowing the difference between now and not yet becomes a little clearer.

I want my life and my story to reflect a young woman who is completely surrendered to Jesus and His plans because He really IS enough. He really does know me better than I know myself. And if God can use me to change even one persons' eternity - it really will be all worth it. So my friends, which glasses are you wearing today? The ones that only show you 10 feet ahead of you - but tell you you have it figured out and you got it all together? Or the ones that are crystal clear but show your hands are open to what the future has becomes someone better is holding it in His hands?

As someone who needs corrective lenses to see farther away, I know which glasses I want to have on and pray they don't come off again.

A Surrendered Life

This week I had the privilege of sharing with a youth group in Portland about Singleness. I was a bit taken aback when I was first asked because no one talks about Singleness...who was I to share my story when I feel like I am SO not good at trusting Christ. I quickly, though nervously, said yes and I had no idea what God would teach me in the process. 

We often wait till we are 'there' to look back and learn what God is doing. This time, I wanted to think about what God is doing while still on the journey to surrender. We each have things we long for and have to let go of. For me, that looks like the desire to be a wife and mom someday. For others it could be a job promotion, the new car or nice house. Trusting God with your kids - when you first give them the keys to your car. I realized this week that we all have those 'things' we long for and dream about and have to surrender to the Lord and what His plans entail. It's a life-long journey of surrender.

This week, I got to celebrate and remember God's faithfulness. He has blessed my socks off with the life He has given me and who am I to say that that isn't enough because it isn't what I plan and what I want. I shared an excerpt from my favorite children's book, Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard. This is a story of a young girl named, Much-Afraid. She is on a journey following the Good Shepherd and how He promises her to take her to the High Places. This excerpt is in the chapter entitled: To Full Surrender. 

"This time, instead of just laying down her own desires, Much-Afraid laid her whole self on that altar. She gave her crooked feet, her twisted mouth, and her fearing heart. She gave all her hopes and dreams for ever getting to the High Places. She gave all that she was and all that she would ever be. There came a flame from somewhere that seemed to burn deep within her heart. A beautiful sense of peace filled her and she fell asleep." 

This week, I was reminded that God doesn't just ask us to give Him our plans and hopes for the future. Though this is true, there is so much more. He wants us to surrender our lives...our hearts because only HE can hold them perfectly under His control. To surrender our whole selves to the good good Father we have. 

I was recently at a wedding where the Maid of Honor shared an encouraging text the Bride sent her. I asked for it after and now have it posted in my house. The two were talking about the lack of good Christian guys around...the Bride texted this: 

"...I know there are adequate reasons to be cynical of the Christian men arrayment. HOWEVER...is the supply really the issue?! Is God not powerful enough to bring us men out of thin air if He wanted?? He is....What is He trying to teach us by this? We may never know...but I do know that He is not a with holder of good."

That last sentence...not a with holder of good. Amen! How true is this?! God really does have our BEST in mind...thus allowing us to know that we CAN surrender or whole selves to His hands and it will be better than we could imagine. A song that I have listened to almost daily the last few weeks - Casting Crowns - Just Be Held - is a song that I now use as my reminder to Surrender. 

A reminder to trust God with tomorrow and just be held today.  

May it be your reminder today, as well.