"All for you and for YOUR Glory"

As I sit and write this update, I am in the heart of Music City: downtown Nashville, Tennessee. I am right next door to the Country Music hall of fame museum and just a block or so down from the Ryman. It has been such a blessing to be able to come to Nashville for the National Youth Workers Convention. I am so grateful that Highlands believes in training and equipping their staff and I have loved hearing from many seasoned ministry leaders. 

Even though this is a Youth Ministry convention and I do Chilren's Ministry, I have been able to take away a lot of ideas on leadership that I can apply to myself and my ministry context working with Children. I have been attending the more generic leadership seminars this week. I went to one the other day entitled: 'Being a Leader Worth Following' with Greg Stier. Greg works with the organization Dare 2 Share….equipping young people to share their faith with their friends and family. I had never heard Greg speak before but I was soon captivated by his ability to tell a story, command the attention of the room and speak so much truth in such simple phrases. 

"It isn't about what you do for Jesus, it's about what Jesus can do through you." 

Greg said the above statement and suddenly I was transfixed on this comment. "It isn't about what you do for Jesus…" So often I have found myself saying that I want to do this or that for Jesus. I have been taught this principle by many people, with good intentions, but with such an essential element lacking. If we look at everything this way, suddenly it isn't about Jesus at all. It is about how I can do this, or how I can plan this event, or how I can bring this many people to Jesus. When, reality is, Jesus doesn't need me to do a thing. Yes, we need to steward ourselves well, but really, Jesus will be working in people's lives wether or not I am here to influence them and tell them about Jesus. I am not the super star individual, HE is and I should be getting out of His way and directing people to Him working through me, not simply what I can do by myself.

Then looking at the next part of the phrase, "It's about what Jesus can do through you." THIS is where we must keep our focus. God has given me the gifts, the talents and the personality I have for a reason and HE will move through me if I am willing to surrender everything and allow Him to work. When we look at everything in this perspective, the focus is taken off of us, and onto Jesus, saying, "Jesus do with me what you please…I will go where you direct…" When we are willing to surrender our desires, passions, future and 'our plans' Jesus is willing and READY to do amazing things with our faith. 

A picture from the Big Room with all of us worshiping
together. Such an awesome experience! 

Another neat thing about this convention is that there have been some awesome worship. We heard from Audrey Assad, Rend Collective Experiment and Shane and Shane to name a few. I do not remember which artist sang this particular song but this has been my prayer all week….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h64opCwLZCw

Glory to God Forever 

My favorite part of the song is this: 

Take my life and let it be 

All for You and for Your glory 

Take my life and let it be Yours

May this be the prayer of your heart as well as many of you serve in different capacities at various Churches. May we allow Jesus to use us for all His glory, not simply to add another thing to our 'I did this for Jesus' list. 

Jesus is MORE than Enough

As the calendar changes into November I find myself sitting and watching the now bare trees sway in the late fall windstorms. This week we had a power outage, some rain and a few days of beautiful fall weather. As I see fall flying by I look ahead to what are my favorite 2 months of the year. The middle of November into early January are my favorites. Yes, I like Spring because of the beautiful flowers and anticipation of summer. Summer is good because it is restful and full of many outdoor adventures and now a new favorite: summer camps! Fall is great because of football and a new year beginning. But, for me...this season...now until January is my absolute favorite. 

My girls. I just love them all! <3

These last few weeks have flown by with a vacation to Portland to visit my Vancouver kids and see my school friends again. I LOVED being able to surprise my girls. It was a sweet reunion with hugs, laughter and a few tears (for me!) :) I came back rejuvenated and full of love from people that know me so well and again, praising the Lord for how He provides.       

         

After a few quick days in the office we were headed to Seabrook for a Children's and Student Ministries Staff retreat. It was so refreshing to get away for a few days at the beach to rest, play, spend lots of time with Jesus and be away from the crazy life of ministry. I have been craving time with the team for months now and it was so good to be able to really build relationships with the men and women I am so blessed to serve Jesus with. I am still unpacking all that God was wanting to teach me this week but I think I have a bit of an idea so I thought I would share. 

Nothing beats a walk on the beach. Even in the windy
cold of November!

During our time away, we were working through a study by James Macdonald looking at The Promises of God. We walked through five different promises and unpacked each of those. Each of these promises spoke so clearly to me but the underlying theme that I found myself going back to: Is Jesus Enough? As I have stepped into this ministry I have found myself believing lies, doubting God is going to use ME to do His work, comparing myself to those who have been in ministry a long time...failing to remember that they once were new to ministry...just like me. Our last morning on retreat it felt as if I was hit in the face with a softball going a million miles an hour. This whole time, I have compared myself, doubted and believed lies of inadequacy without even really realizing. I have been suffering through all of these with the most harmful one: doubting Jesus is Enough for me. I realize now that all the needs of my ministry and all the needs I have in my personal life can all be answered in Jesus and Him alone. It is by His grace we live each day. Psalms 23:1 says, "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." I realize now that I have failed to allow the Lord to be ALL I need. I hate my sin and I hate the fact that I do not realize all that the Lord has given me by simply giving me Himself. 

I have discovered this week that, for me, Jesus is Enough. And, not only that, He is MORE than enough for me. Will you allow Him to be More than Enough for YOU?

The Importance of Remembering...

I don't know about you, but I sometimes fail to remember. I know this is something I have written about before, but I am human and need reminders every now and again. This week I remembered and again, I end the week AMAZED at the work of God.

Circa 1997?: Sparkie Jennica with my awesome Sparks leaders
and Cubbie Jori Anne. 

On Wednesday evening, we had an Awana Leaders Meeting. Towards the end of the evening our commander was talking about how you never know what kids you are influencing. The future Moms, Dads, Business owner, youth pastors, construction workers, etc are surrounding us. We never know what God will do with each of these little lives...only God does. But, for a few hours each week, WE get to influence them. We get to play, have fun, share Jesus with them and love these precious angels. Our Commander showed this picture. This is me probably 16 or so years ago. Back then I was simply a kid, playing hard and learning Bible verses but NO idea I would ever be influencing so many young lives for the rest of my life.

Flash forward to 2013. A fresh graduate and the one overseeing the Awana program at our church. Only God knew what He would be doing with my life. I had no idea, my parents had no idea and my Sparks leaders had no idea they were leading a future Elementary Ministries Director. Thank goodness only God knew that! There is so much comfort knowing that I simply OBEYED what God was calling me to do and he lead me to today. I wasn't an outstanding child, I disobeyed my parents, I got in trouble and thought that I knew what was best. But God used that. Today, I am twenty three years old, single and absolutely LOVING doing ministry full time. I get to influence so many children and the leaders that love them. I get to share Jesus with hundreds of students. I get to experience the joy of a child on a regular basis and I am reminded again why I do what I do.

2013: I get to spend my life loving students and sharing Jesus with
them!? Can this even be happening to me!?

This week I remembered that I did nothing but simply OBEY. It is my prayer that this is how I live my life...everyday. Simply obeying where God is calling me to go, what God is calling me to do and who God is calling me to be. It has always been my dream to someday be a mom so I can spend my days loving little children and that is EXACTLY what I am doing. My heart is so full of joy right now and I am so amazed at how God moves. So for you, dear reader, what is God reminding you of? What has He walked you through? What has He shown his faithfulness in your life?

Tonight, I am remembering what God has done, is doing and look forward with much anticipation to what He will be doing as I continue this rocky journey called life. Thanks for walking with me as I daily fall more in love with my Faithful Heavenly Father.

September 1st Already!?

Well, the whirlwind of summer camps and craziness is slowing down and we are about to launch into fall. It is here, this week we got the rain, football is kicking off and our fall schedule is finally here. It is hard to believe that 3 full months at Highlands are done. That is a quarter of the year - completed...and not only that...THRIVING! God has been SO good and that is what my summer has been. Stories of God's goodness have been sprinkled all over my summer and I am BEYOND blessed and thankful for all God has given me.

I can't believe all God has done this summer and all the stories I have from this summer. I should have started school again this week and I can hardly believe that I have graduated college. I still don't feel old enough to be done with school! It has now been a week since I have been in my new house and slowly, my little house is becoming a home. Because I am finally getting settled in, I thought it was time for a blog update and pictures!




After the craziest summer of my life, I am ready for routine. I am ready for a set schedule. I am ready to see what God wants to do with the rest of the year. I am so blessed to be serving at Highlands and a part of an awesome family. As I sit in my home I remember back to 4 months ago and am AMAZED at God's goodness and how much has changed since then. I was in my last few weeks of college and NO clue what God would do in the coming weeks. I can hardly imagine what God will continue to do with my life as I daily seek to follow HIM and be ALL he has called me to be.

Thank you, dear friends for praying so faithfully for me this summer as I have navigated a whole new adventure. Please continue to pray for me. For trust in God's ultimate plan and that I choose to be joyful even on the hard days (more on that in my next post).

You are NEVER alone

The LOVELY ladies I spent a week at JH
Camp with! 

This summer is FLYING by and I can't believe we are just a few weeks away from September and my first fall kick off! A few weeks ago I got to spend a week at junior high camp with some awesome young ladies. They were FULL of energy and our cabin was NEVER boring. I had a blast spending time in the sun, playing games, swimming, being 'Monique' in the 'Voice' competition and laughing till I cried. After coming home exhausted but thrilled by the work God did, I toured and said YES to a cute little duplex just half a mile from the church. Another AWESOME gift from the Lord and another 'God is ALWAYS Faithful' story.

Last night I came home from High School camp where I spent another week pouring into the lives of students. We played hard and slept hard and hand an awesome time making memories that I KNOW will last forever. The theme for the week was 'Never Beyond Repair' talking about how no matter what we go through in life, no matter what our past looks like, we are never beyond repair in God's eyes, and we are always welcome to come to him. 

Spent an afternoon in the sun at Lincoln City
during HS camp. I am SO beyond blessed
to be doing full time ministry like I am! 

Going into the week, I had no idea just how much God was wanting to teach me. As we are moving through summer, the reality of not going back to Multnomah in the fall is really sinking in. My community of friends is in Portland and not in Renton, yet, that is where God is calling me to be. I am serving with every ounce of my being but will be filled up less as I begin to establish my own community. This week at camp was a reminder that even though my friends may not be around all the time, I am EXACTLY where God has called me to be and for that, I am filled with so much peace, beyond my imagination. Jesus loves me so much and has designed this season of my life for a specific purpose and He will never leave me.

Thank you for your continued prayers as I journey through life following where my God is calling me to be. Continue to pray with me as there are a lot of details to take care of before our big Fall Kick Off. And expect a new blog in the coming days showing off my new home...I move THIS WEEK! :)

The Faithfulness of God

When I sit and think about what I feel my life has been, I could easily call it a whirlwind. From graduation, to interviews, to being hired, to working for a month, then a mission trip to Canada. Wow...a LOT has happened in my life and I can honestly say that it has been so much fun to see God work!

The last few weeks I got to spend time with my Vancouver youth group on a mission trip to Canada. It was one of the most memorable trips I have ever been on...not necessarily for events that happened but for the life change I got to see. The last few weeks were a God-send because I was reminded again just how much ministry is important and why God has called me to be doing what I am doing. This last week I got to see my students grow in so many ways...I saw the boys become men and the girls became ladies who love the Lord so much. I felt like a proud mom and was reminded again why I do what I do.

As I reflected back, I remembered nights when I doubted my investment in the teenagers, I wondered if anything I said ever actually got through. I got to spend my last day traveling with my small group girls and our driver, Tyler, and we all talked. I thanked them for the memories I had and noted how I saw God working in each of them. When we were giving our final tear-filled goodbyes, I realized just how much those 'little' things meant. Sometimes in ministry we get wrapped up in the details, the events, the trips, the retreats and we so quickly forget the little things that make the life change. Sunday I leave for a week at junior high camp, in a cabin with a group of middle school girls. As I head in to this week, I think of all that will happen and I am so excited to see what God is going to do!

So, as we move through the summer, I am learning so much about how when we are faithful to God, he is faithful to us and he gives us exactly what we need when we don't even realize we need it! Just as the sun sets every night God is faithful to his children! We serve an AMAZING God and I am so blessed to be serving him with all my life. Thank you for continuing to pray for energy and strength to get through this busy camp season!

Beginning of week Four

As I continue to walk this road I am finding it harder and harder to share with everyone about what God is doing in my mind, heart and ministry so I figured it was time to do a blog post.

Yesterday marked the beginning of 4 weeks of work. I am now days away from being done with my first month of working and I am DAILY amazed by God's goodness. As each day passes I find myself more and more at peace about what God is doing, I find the doubt and fear slowly creeping back, I am gaining more and more confidence in what God is doing in my life and how excited I am to see what HE is going to do.

My days are quickly filling up with meetings, appointments and phone calls to make. I have a lot of emails to send and I have a lot of paperwork to do and details to take care of. In the midst of all these lists I find myself most excited to have relationships with people. The more I am jumping into ministry,

the more I am finding the value in relationship over routines and daily tasks. This Sunday I got to sneak a picture with some of the kids from my new ministry. I have a newsletter article coming out in a few weeks and they wanted a picture with me involved with the kids. It was great to see them and it is my daily reminder of WHY I am doing what I am doing. I am not simply finding teachers to fill classes, I am not sitting in meetings to sit in meetings. I am doing all of this because of the kids and the families that I get to invest in. There is so much more to ministry than simply doing a job and I am SO beyond blessed to have God choosing me to serve him in this capacity.

This weekend (29 & 30) I will be introduced, commissioned and prayed for during each of the weekend services. I am inviting you, my friends and family, to join us. Saturday at 6:00pm is the first one and afterwards some of us will be headed to Round Table in Renton to have dinner afterwards. If you need directions or more information, let me know. I am very much looking forward to this weekend.

I have spent a lot of time in the car and a lot of time listening to music. The song 'Strong Enough' by Matthew West came on the radio yesterday morning and it is on my mind all the time now. May it encourage you like it has me!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knuHDPbE5es

In the meantime, please be praying for me as I continue to commute from University Place. Pray that God would continue to grant me safety in my travels. Also be praying that God brings an apartment my way, in His timing and a safe place to live as a single woman. And of course, pray that God would continue to teach me as I keep filling my days with ministry and people!

Surviving the First Week!

Well, my first week of work is over and as I sit on the couch watching my cat play with his toy with the Mariners game on in the background, the mere exhaustion is rushing over me. This has been a week of meeting people, asking questions, trying hard to take in what feels like 'a fire hose' of information, and LOTS of time in the car stuck in traffic. This is life now. This is my new reality.

It is hard for me to imagine that just one moth ago I was getting ready to walk across the stage and officially be handed the piece of paper that would let me be done with school forever, fully prepared for a summer of rest and a continued journey trying to find where God wanted me to be. Little did I know that within 5 days, I would be first getting word of what my new reality was going to be.

Now that the first week is over, I find myself wanting to be like Jonah (yes, I know I am going back to the good ol' BSM days but it all makes sense)...run FLEEING from what I know God has called me to do. "But Jonah rose to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord. He went down to Joppa and found a ship going to Tarshish. So he paid the fare and went on board, to go with them to Tarshish, away from the presence of the Lord." Jonah 1:3...sounds easier right?! Exactly.

Satan wants us to see that easy way out. He wants us to run from what God has specifically called us to do, not allowing ourselves to be all that God has called us to be. And, I am not going to lie, that does sound pretty attractive. Just saying, 'I give up now' sounds so easy. Instead, I am CHOOSING to be like Jonah in chapter 3...after God sent him to be swallowed by the big fish...'Then the word of the Lord came to Jonah the second time, saying, 'Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and call out against it the message that I tell you.' So Jonah arose and went to Nineveh, according to the word of the Lord.' (Jonah 3:1-2)

I do have hope that things will get easier. I will eventually be done learning people's names. The questions will still be asked and the doubts will still creep in, but for now, I am rejoicing that I KNOW this is what God has called me to. This is for sure a 'God-sized task' that he is calling me to and I am SO grateful for the opportunity to even more understand what it means to rest and rely on HIM for all my needs.

THANK YOU to those who have been praying for me through this whole process and I ask that you please continue to do so. Pray that I would have renewed energy for Sunday as I continue to meet new people. Pray that I get good rest when I do and pray I can continue to be patient as I learn new things. Thank you for walking this journey with me and for helping point me to Jesus. I am so so blessed.

"The Lord is My Shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He heads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoXWIK1lfyo

When God moves...HE MOVES!!

It is always a fun adventure when you say to God, 'Your will be done!' This is a brief way to sum up the last month! Tomorrow will be three weeks since Graduation. Graduation week was filled with friends, play, rest and last minute adventures as our days of being Multnomah students came to a close. In the end, we walked across the stage, received our diplomas and then took LOTS of pictures afterwards! Our famous quotation to go along with this picture: 'A BA and a BS but no MRS. It can be done folks!' :) 

I moved home and had plans to rest and play and enjoy time with my family and recover from the last three years. Well, when we decide that we have plans, God tends to laugh and surprise us...constantly reminding us that HE is in control and his plans are WAY better than what we can ever dream up. 

So, May 15th (just five days after grad) I got a phone call from my dear friends Sabrina and Aj. They had a Pastor email them asking if they knew of anyone from MU who was interested in Children's Ministries. They called me, told me about it and asked if they could pass on my name and phone number. I, of course, said yes, but did not really expect anything. Well, not more than 30 minutes later, I got a call from the Pastor telling me about the Church, the ministry and what the position would look like and he asked if I was interested in applying. He asked me to send in my resume and cover letter that night. So, a few hours later (I was babysitting at the time he called me) I sent everything in and could not believe it. He emailed me right back asking if I had a Philosophy of Ministry written up...again, thanks to Roy and our CPD class, I had somewhat of a start on this...I tweaked all the parts that had Roy's famous red marks, and hit send again. The next day I got another phone call and by the end, I had an interview booked and great confidence that God was on the move. In less then 24 hours I went from having no clue this church was around and having an interview lined up and ready to go! AMAZING! 

I interviewed the following Monday. It was a long interview but it was a great time of talking about how God has shaped me, grown me and used all my experiences to bring me to this point now. The interview was intense but it was so cool to see the church, meet some staff and talk about if this could be where God was calling me to serve. The following day I got another phone call from the Pastor saying they really liked me and wanted me to continue on in the interview process. The second and third interviews were scheduled and I was still blown away. 

Sunday I had the second interview, being grilled by a whole team of people I would be serving with was, again, exhausting but exciting. The more people I met, the more questions I was asked, the more excited I was about the opportunity. Well, folks, today was my third and final interview. Another group of people asking the same questions...after meeting the Senior Pastor, I was officially offered the job and I said YES! 

I am pleased to announce that I am going to be the new Director of Elementary Ministries at Highlands Community Church in Renton. I will be overseeing the 1st-6th graders and helping to train and coach the team of leaders along the way. It is a HUGE job and I am so blown away by God's faithfulness in this whole process. A whole string of 'no's' to lead me to this amazing opportunity to serve Him and bring Glory to Him in AMAZING WAYS! Less than a month after graduating, I am starting a job in the field I majored in and I had no idea this even existed 16 days ago! When God wants to move, HE sure knows how and he opens and closes doors along the way! Praise the LORD he knows what we need more than what we want! 

http://www.highlandscc.org

Thank you for joining me in prayer through this process and for continuing to pray the Lord gives me strength, endurance, and a teachable heart as I begin this coming MONDAY. Also, I will be moving to Renton so please pray that God opens up the right doors for an apartment and everything I will need to have my own place! God is so so good!

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen!" Ephesians 3:20-21

The Next Step

Hey friends! I can not believe that I am now just 12 days away from graduating Multnomah. The last few weeks have been somewhat of a roller coaster of emotions. Some days are filled with lots of exciting thoughts about life after MU. I am ready to not have homework constantly hanging over my head. I am ready to have a life outside of being a student, as scary as that might seem sometimes. And, I think the thing I am most excited about is that I can be way more involved in ministry. I can say yes more quickly because I won't have homework. I can get more involved with my church, I can spend more time with youth and kids, which I love. Thinking about being more involved in people's lives makes me so so excited.

But, with that also comes deep sadness sometimes. Multnomah has been my family the last three years. Never in my life have I lived with people my age who are just as on fire for the Lord as I am. I have been living with my best friends, making amazing memories, eating ice cream WAY too late into the evenings and going on spontaneous adventures. I think one of my favorites has been sitting in the cafe and having people come up to me and get into long discussions on how awesome God is and such. Those are memories I will never forget. It is these things, these memories, these moments that are making me very sad to leave this place. I have also gotten very poor sleeping habits lately cause I just want to soak up every last 'hang-out' opportunity I can before graduation! :)

These last few weeks have also contained a ton of life processing. I have now applied to seven different jobs and so far the first six have been no's and I am waiting on hearing back from the seventh. This whole semester I have had to not commit to anything because I might get a job. Unfortunately, at this point, I still do not have a job but instead of focusing on what I don't have, I am choosing to focus on the fact that I get to do AWESOME ministry this summer because of that.

First, I get to go to CANADA with these awesome young women and the other youth from my church's youth group! We will be gone from July 4-15th working at Rock Nest Ranch in Houston, BC. Yesterday I joined them for the all-day training we had in preparation for the trip and it made me SO excited for the trip to come! These girls have had such an impact on me and I have been so grateful for the opportunity to lead these young women to Jesus' heart. I wish I could continue working with them next year, but I am just grateful for the chance to get to serve Jesus in Canada with them this summer!


This summer I also get to help run our Day Camp at my home church. This is something I have helped with the last handful of years and I am super excited for the chance to help again with this ministry. This is what I have gone to school for, I love children's ministry so much and this is something I am so wanting to do with the rest of my life!

Unfortunately, this post is not updating you about the job that God gave me, but it is all about the ministry I get to do and I am SO excited for that! And, if any of you that are reading this are parents of little ones that I have babysit in the past or ever need babysitters, feel free to put me on the top of your list! I would love to take your kids off your hands for a few hours. Really, I would! In the meantime, please be praying as these next few weeks are going to be full of emotions, excitement, adventure and who knows what else. Pray that God continues to give me peace about not having a job and that when it is HIS time, he opens the RIGHT door. Thank you dear friends for supporting me on this journey of college life, you are wonderful!

'It's just the dark before the morning...'

Well friends, it has been awhile since I have updated this so I thought I would write a new post tonight. I feel like a lot has happened since last time, but then I also think that it is all this cycle of trying to figure out life after college and I wind up back in the same place.

I have been looking for and applying for jobs, six now, to be specific. Each time I find myself getting excited and then hearing no. Honestly, with each no it gets more and more discouraging and I find myself wanting to doubt who I am or how God has created me.

The reality is though, the God who created the universe also created me and specifically crafted me for a specific ministry and job. He knows me and my future more than I do and I can rest in the knowledge that he knows so much more. It is in this knowledge that I rest tonight. I find myself in the midst of this doubt but trusting so much that God has something even better than all of the other no's. At this point, it is harder to imagine that God has something even better than this. As I sit in my room on a Friday night watching a movie, I am filled with peace knowing that I have a huge adventure ahead, beginning in 36 days. Who knows where I will end up, and I am choosing to let that unknown fill me with excitement instead of anxiety.

This morning at work I was listening to the radio and the song 'Before the Morning' by Josh Wilson came on. It was a new one for me but it felt as if God had that song play specifically for me. I am choosing to use this song to help remind me of my new perspective. Things may seem a bit dark right now because of the unknown, but there is a morning coming and there is an adventure for me.

I can not wait to inform you all of what that new adventure is. In the meantime, please pray with me that God would continue to open and shut doors and that I would be patient and trust in a faithful God. My prayer now is that God would place me where I can serve Him best. Where God can use my gifts, talents and life experiences to serve Him most, wherever that might be! Until next time...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfWAG-bnttQ

Grieving for Jesus

Whenever I find myself really struggling through a week, I always seem to need to take time to process through a blog post. So, that's what this is...me processing through yesterday...a physically and emotionally rough day.

This past weekend I was able to go home and be with my family. We also had to move my Grandma from her assisted living home to the memory care facility because her mind is so gone. Thankfully she still remembers who we are but a lot of the daily tasks of life she doesn't remember. The older she gets, the harder it gets for us, her family, to see her go through this process. She cries easily and every time I say goodbye to her I see the tears in her eyes and she whispers in my ear, 'I love you so much and am so proud of you.' Every time it gets more and more real that each time could be our last. It's something that both her and I am aware of and it just keeps getting harder.

Yesterday in worship chapel I lost it. We were asked to write down things that we thank God for. Attributes of God that we admire or am thankful for. I wrote Grandma Swanson (not really knowing why) and the tears came, slowly at first, then waves.

After shedding lots of tears in the middle of chapel, I realized that I had never cried like this over the fact that Jesus died for me. My grandma has been highly influential in my life and loves the Lord so much, I admire her greatly. But, the person that lived a perfect life, died a totally un-called for death, I had never grieved for. WOAH. Then the reality of that hit me like a ton of bricks. Jesus died for my sins, so I would never have to be separated from him. Why have I never thought of this and grieved!? We grieve the deaths of grandparents, parents, friends and even animals but have we ever taken time to grieve Jesus' death? This was just something I began processing yesterday.

As we approach this Easter season, I am now in this grieving process, not because someone in my life has passed away, but because the Creator God sent his Son Jesus, to die for me. He died. Then, three days later he came back to life and overcame the fear of death. He beat death. That is something that no one can do. We are often told to dwell on the fact that God came back and was raised again, but I challenge you, dear reader, to let yourself think of the death that happened. Jesus died for your sins and mine. Grieve this and remember that we are so unworthy, but still He loves us.

Where Do I Go From Here?

As I sit at my desk writing this new post, I look outside and see the sun streaming through the branches that grace the grounds of sketch park. The building is silent (for the most part) since students don't come back until tomorrow. I eat popcorn and soak in all of THIS. My last dorm room. My last few scraggly 'meals' before the cafeteria food begins again. Another semester is approaching...but it is also the last semester of my college career. 

I can hardly believe that I am very close to my college days ending and wondering what I do now. Fresh graduate. Nearly broke. Single. Where do I go? Or better, where does God want me to go from here? I know that when we have nothing we rely most on God for his peace and comfort and guidance in the midst of the unknown. That's where I seem to find myself these days. Months away from moving out of the dorms, college has made me poor with the thoughts of upcoming students loans, yet an overwhelming sense of peace and knowing that God has me right where he wants me...in this unknown...it is teaching me to trust in his provision in ways I have never had to trust before.

The purpose of this post is to reflect on where I am at emotionally...I find that I can put my thoughts into written word much easier than spoken words. So, I am going to share my main 'options' and I would ask that you please join me in prayer as I seek what and where God is wanting me to go. I am confident that He will open the doors that he wants and he will give me just what I need...but I also need help and I need serious amounts of prayer! I am so blessed to say, "I have options...the sky is the limit" and so on...but it also makes it harder to decipher which is THE one God is calling me to. 

One option is moving home. I can live with my parents again and pick right back up at the Y teaching swim lessons and I can look for other jobs as well. This would be great because I would be home again, with my home church family and I can babysit all my little kiddos that I miss so so much! 

A huge part of my heart is calling me back to Haiti. Back to my little ones I love so much. A part of me is wanting to see if I could live in a third world country forever. Six weeks was great but not long-enough 'to know.' If that even truly exists. All I have ever wanted to do was be a mom and in Haiti, I was. I held and rocked babies, fed them, snuggled them through tears and bad days. Taught them to walk, sang to them. I fell in love. My heart is longing for this again. I don't know if this is a real possibility or if it is just another 'maybe'...but either way the thought is running through my mind. 

Another option I have is staying in Portland. This one seems the 'least likely' option but it is an option none-the-less and I trust that if this is what God wants for me, he will show me that. 

Also, at our All-School Retreat in September, the guest speaker was a pastor from a church in central California. Long story short, we got talking and he suggested I contact them about a possible internship at their church working in Children's Ministry. This is also a possibility. 

As of now, I have contacted this pastor and am in communication as to what the 'details' would be. And I am praying hard and praying fast that God will provide for me both financially this semester and on as well as provide clarity on where he is wanting me to go. It is a really strange place to be...job-less, nearly broke and months away from a huge life transition. I find comfort in knowing that as I continue to seek God, He will continue to make clear my path. 

Again, please join me in prayer. I don't know where God is wanting me to go, but I trust that everything will become clear 'in His time.' I can not wait for the day when I can look back at now and say, 'I get it. It all makes sense. God WAS working.' I KNOW He is and I KNOW he knows where He wants me. I am clinging to this truth and trusting that God is going to do something huge. 

Ecclesiastes 3:11 - 'He has made everything beautiful in its time.'

Goodbye 2012

Again, it is December 31st. Another year gone, but what an amazing year it was! In January, we said goodbye to our cranky cat Kuddles (yes, I realize the irony there). He was our first pet so it was sad to see him go, but knew it was time. 



In May, two new bundles of joy joined our family! Charlie (orange) and Sophie (black) are full of energy and are so much fun! We have had lots of fun with the 'kitten stage' despite the number of broken decorations now! 


The highlight of the year for me, was spending six weeks in Haiti this past summer. As many of you know, I spent three weeks working at an orphanage and then three weeks teaching English in Port-au-Prince. Little did I know when I left home how quickly I could fall in love with being overseas. The weeks went by so fast and my time in Haiti ended. At the time I was grateful to be home, but I realize now, six months later, that a little bit of my heart is still there and I am a very new person. I have been told that, 'my eyes sparkle in a new way when I talk about my little ones.' They sure knew how to steal my heart! 

In case you didn't catch this on Facebook, here is a little video I made of my trip, giving you an idea of what I did (above)! 

This summer also held the weddings of two of my best friends. In August, I stood by her side as Chelsea finally married Jamee! The wedding was a beautiful warm day just north east of Vancouver.

Just a few weeks later, two of my other best friends, Sabrina and AJ tied the knot in Medford, Oregon. This might have been one of the best weddings I have ever seen. Sabrina and AJ love the Lord so much and it was BEAMING out of them on their big day! It was the hottest wedding I have been to, being in Southern Oregon in the fall, but it was gorgeous! 

This fall also included being able to finally live with my third best friend, Larisa! We had many late night chats, ice cream runs, movie dates, Friends & Crocheting evenings and some studying too! She finished in December so she had to move out unfortunately, but I am so grateful for the time we did have and will hold these memories so close to my heart! 

This New Years Eve I am thanking God for all that happened in 2012 and can hardly believe 2013 is here! I graduate in exactly 130 days and I am so excited! I have absolutely LOVED college and my time at Multnomah, but I am ready for a break. Not ready to move out of the dorms and the community, but ready to be done with homework! 

I have no idea what will be happening once I graduate. And, I am ok with that. Sometimes it is nice to not know what God is bringing next…it helps me stay grounded here. Please do pray with me as I seek what God has for my future. I will write another update soon with more specifics but for now, I am resting in the unknown. Here's to 2013 being a year of blessing and adventure!