Whenever I find myself really struggling through a week, I always seem to need to take time to process through a blog post. So, that's what this is...me processing through yesterday...a physically and emotionally rough day.
This past weekend I was able to go home and be with my family. We also had to move my Grandma from her assisted living home to the memory care facility because her mind is so gone. Thankfully she still remembers who we are but a lot of the daily tasks of life she doesn't remember. The older she gets, the harder it gets for us, her family, to see her go through this process. She cries easily and every time I say goodbye to her I see the tears in her eyes and she whispers in my ear, 'I love you so much and am so proud of you.' Every time it gets more and more real that each time could be our last. It's something that both her and I am aware of and it just keeps getting harder.
Yesterday in worship chapel I lost it. We were asked to write down things that we thank God for. Attributes of God that we admire or am thankful for. I wrote Grandma Swanson (not really knowing why) and the tears came, slowly at first, then waves.
After shedding lots of tears in the middle of chapel, I realized that I had never cried like this over the fact that Jesus died for me. My grandma has been highly influential in my life and loves the Lord so much, I admire her greatly. But, the person that lived a perfect life, died a totally un-called for death, I had never grieved for. WOAH. Then the reality of that hit me like a ton of bricks. Jesus died for my sins, so I would never have to be separated from him. Why have I never thought of this and grieved!? We grieve the deaths of grandparents, parents, friends and even animals but have we ever taken time to grieve Jesus' death? This was just something I began processing yesterday.
As we approach this Easter season, I am now in this grieving process, not because someone in my life has passed away, but because the Creator God sent his Son Jesus, to die for me. He died. Then, three days later he came back to life and overcame the fear of death. He beat death. That is something that no one can do. We are often told to dwell on the fact that God came back and was raised again, but I challenge you, dear reader, to let yourself think of the death that happened. Jesus died for your sins and mine. Grieve this and remember that we are so unworthy, but still He loves us.
