A Lesson on Patience

After last nights' blog post, I read something in a book that really spoke to me. It was a reminder to just be patient and trust God with out futures, even though we don't know what it will look like or what it will entail. I find that, especially as I get closer to finishing college, people are constantly asking me, "what are you going to do after you graduate?" or "will you move home or stay in Portland?" I realize that these questions are fairly worthless at this point and things can change, and that the people who ask these questions are not meaning to pressure me in anyway. But, these questions none the less make me feel slightly impatient. I want to know now where I will be going. What it will be looking like. And what my future holds. This quote challenged me so much to remember to wait and be patient and I thought it was good enough to share with you all as well. 

"You must choose to wait patiently for God's best. If you have seen patterns in your life that show a lack of patience, commit yourself right now to waiting for God's best. You may pray something like this: 

Lord, you are my sovereign God. You know all about me and love me more than anyone else ever could. You know how I feel, what I need, and what my future is. I confess that I have taken matters into my own hands. I confess to being afraid of totally trusting You. Today I commit myself to focus on You and Your love for me. Today I commit to look to You for my future-not to my outward circumstances. Thank You for knowing how weak I feel, but being strong for me and in me. I love You. I choose to trust You."

God is teaching me to be patient. Patient for Haiti. Patient for Graduation. Patient for post-graduation and whatever that includes. Patience. Patience. Patience. 


In the midst of the unknown, God is good. God is faithful. God will give me patience if I ask him to. Tonight I took my first dose of Chloroquine, my anti-malaria medicine. The semi nauciousness was just another reason for me to feel like I am impatient to go. However, I do know that once I get to Haiti, I won't want it to end. It's hard to believe that in 6 days I will be headed to Haiti and one week from today I will be meeting my babies for the first time. 


Please pray with me for patience. Patience in waiting for Haiti to come. Patience in Haiti. And Patience for my future in learning what God has for me. I know he will guide me as needed and He will give me those answers when he wants me to learn those. Until next time...


"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" Psalm 27:14

One WEEK!

One week from right now, I will be in the air, on my way to Miami to catch my connection flight to Haiti! I can't believe that this is actually going to happen. I feel like it has been such a process getting to this place. Something cool I have been thinking about the last couple of days is just how much God clearly opens and shuts doors in our life. Sometimes we get in this panic of thinking, 'I need to figure it all out myself,' or 'I need to do something in MY power to take care of this particular situation.' These are so commonly thought but they are lies that Satan wants us to believe. That we don't need God to figure things out. We can take care of everything ourselves. I am reminded of John 15:5, "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." This reminds me that I am going to do this in Haiti. I am going to be the hands and feet of Jesus for the people in Haiti. God is working in my heart big-time already, and I am traveling with Him and Him alone. Apart from God, I am NOTHING. 


Tonight, (instead of studying for my final in the morning) I pulled out my old journal, from back in October when I first thought about a mission trip to Haiti. Back then, I was a little over a month into school, with no idea what God would do in my life the following few months. My journal reads this: 

"Father, I don't know why but today suddenly I had this burning passion to go on a mission trip to Haiti. God I pray you would make it clear if and when you want me to go. God, I pray that if this is from you that you would continue to put it on my heart. God I trust you and I will go whenever and wherever you lead me! Please just give me wisdom, guidance and a continued passion to love the World...YOUR world! I love you." 10-9-2011

Back then, I had no idea that I would actually pursue a trip this big. This monumental. This life-changing. But, like I said God opens and shuts doors and leads us down the path he wants us to go. His guiding hand on my life is so evident and I know that his hand is on me as I go. 


Just 10 days later, my journal reads this: 

"God, I pray that as I continue on in school, that you would continually make me aware of how I can live more like you. God I thank you for the heart you have given me for Haiti. God I am pursuing this ministry out of faith that this is the summer you want me to serve you in this capacity. God I don't know if this is a one time only trip of if this is a glimpse into what my future will look like. But God, despite the unsureness, I trust you. If you want me to serve you full time as a missionary...I WILL GO. Without a doubt, I will do whatever you want me to do. I pray you would provide opportunities to learn about my future and I pray you give me the ability to trust in you and your timing." 10-19-2011

I am amazed at God's answers to pray in his providing me the opportunity to serve him in this way to the people of Haiti. I can't wait to see what God is going to do in and through me in Haiti. I can't believe God is providing me the opportunity to serve Him in this way. All I know is that I am not doing this alone. God is going before me and is my strength. Without him I am Nothing. 


Studying through the Pauline letters in Acts-Philemon, I am reminded again just how much we are called to thank the Lord, and be grateful in all circumstances. He is the provider of strength and provides peace for when we are fearful. Even if we might be scared or nervous about where God has us. He knows where we are. He has us where HE wants us. THIS is the place God is wanting me to be. I am confident that if God doesn't want me here, He will guide me in a different direction, because he has done so in the past. Thank you God that we don't have to do things ourselves. You are in control. You are the ruler of my life. Show me where you want me to be and where you want me to go. I will do it! 


Philippians 4:4-7: "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understand, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." 

The Countdown is ON!

Three weeks from today I will be experiencing my first day of work at the orphanage! I will be getting introduced to my kids and will be settling into what my temporary 'home' will be. It feels surreal that I am actually going to be doing this in just a few short days. I am so excited to go meet my kids and see what God has in store for me.

This morning I sent in my money to the orphanage. My flights are booked. My immunizations have been taken care of. I have purchased new shoes, new skirts and medicine in case I get sick while I am in Haiti.

The list is still long with things I need to do. Many 'little' things still need to get taken care of but they will all come together. My biggest prayer right now is that I can focus and be HERE. With school wrapping up, it is easy for me to just look straight to Haiti and wish it was the 20th already. But, I realize that God has other things he wants to teach me in the days and weeks leading up to Haiti. My prayer is that I can finish strong this semester and not get too focused on Haiti.

I also found out that when I go to teach with CrossWorld, I will be teaching the Advanced English class to the Seminary students. This was definitely a God thing. I will be arriving June 11th to teach with Mason & Lauren. They will have a Haitian teacher teaching the Advanced class but He needs to leave on the 15th for another conference. So, I will be arriving and shadowing him teaching for a few days then I get to take over and teach the class myself! Part of me is terrified but I have been speaking english for 20+ years now so, how hard could teaching it be, right?

People have asked me how I am feeling about leaving. That is a tough question to answer because my feelings about it change daily. There are two main feelings I am having. On one hand, I am stoked to go. Wishing I could leave tomorrow. Anxious for this new adventure begin and excited for what God is going to do in and through me. BUT, I have just the opposite feelings as well. When I sit down and really think about all the implications of what this 'adventure' will entail I get anxious and terrified. I have never flown by myself, anywhere, let alone out of the country. I have only been in Canada and Mexico, which are basically the same thing as America (with some differences). And I need to figure out customs and security in a new country with people that don't speak english! Ahhh...my heart beats extra fast just thinking about it right now. But, like I said it is a day-by-day thing. Whenever I am feeling super anxious about it I just remember that I am not going alone on this adventure. God is right there with me and already knows everything that is going to happen. That is my comfort. God is going to Haiti before me and with me. With God's help I can do this.

God is doing so many amazing things in my life and in the lives of those around me. I am learning that God really does put things on our hearts for a reason. Some things he wants us to learn and other things we won't know the purpose of; but God is good. God is sovereign. God is loving.

Please pray with me that I can stay focused at Multnomah and not get so caught up in Haiti mode. Please pray that all the last minute details will come together. And with that update...let the countdown begin: 20 days left! :)

51 days

Wow. What an insane few weeks of the semester. I feel like once March hit everything went at a MILLION miles an hour and didn't slow down until this week. It is always amazing to see how much God provides as I look back over past weeks and months of life. Whenever life really starts to overwhelm me, I always remember what God has brought me through in the past and it helps me refocus a bit. 


Something we learned in Acts-Philemon reminded me of this. Christiansen was explaining what HOPE means. Hope means knowing that sometime will happen. BECAUSE God has blessed me and provided for me in the past, I know that God will bless me and provide for me in the future. It is so amazing to see God work. 


In the midst of stressing out about my Haiti trip and wondering what this whole experience will entail, I am remembering how God has provided me the strength to make it through the semester. God knows what will happen in Haiti. God will provide for everything I need for Haiti...and I can't wait to see what He is going to do. 


Since the last time I wrote, things have changed. I will be flying out on May 20th and will be arriving in Port-au-Prince Haiti on May 21st. I will be working with God's Littlest Angels, an orphanage with about 100 children. I will be given about 5-6 kids and I basically get to be their mom while I am with them. I will take each child for an hour a day and help them with whatever developmental needs they may have. The orphanage tells me that I might watch some of the babies learn how to crawl, some will take their first steps and others will learn to speak. I am so stoked that I get to be a mom to several little babies...I can't wait to meet them! 


On June 11th, I will be going to stay with Mason & Lauren Young. I will be helping them teach a summer english program for Seminary students. This is a six-week course but I will be there for the second half of it. I am so excited to be able to teach with them because Lauren's cousin Jamie will be coming to teach as well. This will be the first time in over 10 years that Jamie, Lauren and me will be able to spend some quality time together like we did growing up. Their organization is called CrossWorld. I am still waiting to hear more specific details of what I will be doing there but I am very excited to have this opportunity as well. 


I will be flying back home late June 29th. It will be a long 6 weeks away but I am sure that it will go by fast. I am so blessed that God has opened the door for me to be able to do this and I can't wait to see what He is going to do both in me and through me. 


Today I got my shots and begin my Thyroid immunization. The closer it gets the more real this is actually becoming. My arms are still sore and it is a reminder of how real this really is. God is doing amazing things in preparing me for the trip both emotionally and financially. It has been amazing to see God provide in ways that I couldn't have even imagined. 51 more days until I depart...it can't come soon enough! 

Living with a Heart of JOY!

Joy is one of those words that I knew the meaning of but I never let it fully resonate within me. As a new semester has started, and with it a new year, I have decided that I want JOY to mark my life. My favorite time of year is the time between Thanksgiving and New Years. One of the reasons that I like this time of year is because I still get that child-like happiness that comes with the season. Not because of the gifts, santa or no school (although all of those are exciting things) but because of the meaning that comes with this time of year (as well as the anticipation of snow too!). It is my new focus, especially this semester: I want to live life and this next semester focusing on having a joyful spirit. 


Dictionary.com defines joy as: "The emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation." 


As I was walking to the gym this morning as the sun was rising, it dawned on me that that joy I live with is all because of Christ. HE is the 'something' that is 'exceptionally good or satisfying.' It is in Him that I find my completeness. I am content in being in relationship with him and him alone and for that, I get much joy. It is my goal this semester to live each and everyday with a new spirit of true joy! Instead of complaining about too much work or being stressed out, I am going to enjoy every day of this coming semester and year with new anticipation and hope! Life is too short to stress so much and I want to experience a joyful life in the environment that God has placed me in. 


Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart!" - There are a few things that I am hoping for this coming year and a few things that I desire...but instead of worrying about them, they are going on my mental 'daily prayer list' and I am choosing to trust that God will guide as He sees fit. Living a joyful life can be hard at times, but with God's help, I will be reminded that He is enough and He gives me reason to sing and be joyful! 

Haiti Bound in 2012!

Sometimes when we say 'Yes' to God He takes us on bigger adventures than anything we thought possible.  That is what He has done with my mission trip to Haiti. This journey started several years ago so I thought I would start from the beginning to share how I have gotten here today...to this place of preparing for a cross cultural mission trip...the adventure of a life time! 


Several years ago my old babysitter Jamie went on a mission trip to Haiti. She came over to our house after her trip and shared her stories and pictures with us. I was simply a junior in High School who loved kids and would do just about anything for an experience like Jamie had but completely unaware that it was something I could actually do. I always thought it would be cool to do what she did and go serve in Haiti with a bunch of orphans but like I said I didn't think I had the ability, talents and bravery to do something that big. 


My little sister Jori was always the one who was more interested in Missions. She was the adventure seeker, the one that liked to be out of her comfort zone and the one that was more brave than anyone else I knew. I thought for sure she was the one that God was preparing for big time Missions. Unlike my sister, I like being home...in the US that is...and I don't like being out of my comfort zone. I don't like doing things alone and the thought of a mission trip all by myself is still terrifying me. But, God was working in my heart to prepare me for saying yes to a big trip like this...all by myself so that I can grow and be stretched in more ways than one! 


Every summer since 2007 I have wanted to go on a mission trip. Each year my sister went on trips and whenever she would go I would think to myself, "Why can't I do that? What is holding me back?" Finally, September 2011 roles around. I am now a junior in college and a lot more adventurous and independent than I was 5 years ago. I remember thinking in September, "Could I go to Haiti this summer? I don't want to wait till I graduate because I will probably want to start working right away. There is no one holding me back from doing something big like this. I can afford to do this and not work for a few weeks. There is no good reason for me not to go." These were just a few of the million thoughts flying through my head but I came out of that thinking Yes...I can do this. 


After several weeks of praying, talking with my friends and family and even more praying I felt like more than ever God was asking me to step out of my comfort zone and spend some time serving Him in Haiti 2012. I did some research and found an organization that sounded good 'God's Littlest Angels' based out of Port-au-Prince Haiti. This organization was a home to many little Haitian orphans. They survive off of volunteers from around the world who come in to spend time with the children. 


http://www.glahaiti.org/


As a volunteer, I will be given roughly 8 kids for my time there and I will basically be their Mom. It will be my job to take each child for an hour a day and work with that child on whatever their needs are. Some might need to learn how to crawl, walk or talk and some might just need to be fed and walked. The abilities of each child is different so my tasks will be different but no matter what I get to love on some kids everyday and THAT is something I am MOST excited about. 


As it is a mission trip, I will need to be flexible and ready for whatever job they ask me to do, but this should be what my days will mostly consist of. And, because it is a mission trip I will need to raise support in order to go and serve, but I know that God has a plan for that and He will provide my every need because He is the one calling me to this trip. 


I am scheduled to be in Haiti May 21-June 11th. I plan on blogging throughout these next few weeks as I prepare to go on this trip and I hope that I can blog some while I am in Haiti as well, but we'll have to see about that. In the meantime please join me on this journey as I continue to write this blog!


PRAYER requests: 
- That I would be able to receive the funding needed to go. 
- That all the paperwork will come together with visas and passports and all those fun things! 
- That all the doctors appointments and shots would come together as well. 


That is all for now but stay tuned for more info and more detailed prayer requests later! :) 

A Year End Review

It's that time of year again where we spend time reflecting on what has happened in 2011. As I sit and write this, I can remember many elements of 2011 where I was stretched and challenged in so many different ways. I had no clue going in to the year just how much I would learn and just how much more my relationship with Christ would deepen. Looking back over the last year, there is one very specific thing I learned. Yes, there were lots of lessons here and there, but one overall theme I would say. This is a lesson that I hope I never forget and that I continue to remember in the years ahead.

2011 taught me that God rewards those who listen to Him and OBEY, even if it is hard to do so in the moment. There were several areas of my life where I needed to make decisions about wether or not I would obey God or not. In each of these decisions, God has blessed me tremendously. I have learned that in the midst of the hard times where we need to make a decision, God gives us exactly what we need for each of those weeks, days and moments. There is not a single second that God is not giving us the strength we need! What a blessing! 


2 Corinthians 12:9 has sort of become my life verse for this period of my life. Paul says, "But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." So many times in this last year I have felt weak and wounded; yet, God has used each of those moments to teach not only me things, but he has used me and my story to challenge and teach those around me. I am so blessed to be able to minister to women at my school and girls in the youth group at Church. Being able to share my story has been a significant method to help me process appropriately. 


This year I am experiencing an incredible amount of joy with the coming of this new year. I am closing the book on a very challenging year and I am ready for this new chapter of my life to open. I have no clue what the year 2012 will hold. I have some hopes for the year, but I know that God has a specific plan already laid out for this new year and as a follower of Christ it is my job to sit and trust God daily. I can't wait to see what God is going to teach me in this new year and I am so anxious to continue to fall more in Love with my Savior.  


May you also experience this same joy as 2012 is quickly approaching. May you, like me, remember that "When we have nothing left but God, we discover that God is enough!"