Where Do I Go From Here?

As I sit at my desk writing this new post, I look outside and see the sun streaming through the branches that grace the grounds of sketch park. The building is silent (for the most part) since students don't come back until tomorrow. I eat popcorn and soak in all of THIS. My last dorm room. My last few scraggly 'meals' before the cafeteria food begins again. Another semester is approaching...but it is also the last semester of my college career. 

I can hardly believe that I am very close to my college days ending and wondering what I do now. Fresh graduate. Nearly broke. Single. Where do I go? Or better, where does God want me to go from here? I know that when we have nothing we rely most on God for his peace and comfort and guidance in the midst of the unknown. That's where I seem to find myself these days. Months away from moving out of the dorms, college has made me poor with the thoughts of upcoming students loans, yet an overwhelming sense of peace and knowing that God has me right where he wants me...in this unknown...it is teaching me to trust in his provision in ways I have never had to trust before.

The purpose of this post is to reflect on where I am at emotionally...I find that I can put my thoughts into written word much easier than spoken words. So, I am going to share my main 'options' and I would ask that you please join me in prayer as I seek what and where God is wanting me to go. I am confident that He will open the doors that he wants and he will give me just what I need...but I also need help and I need serious amounts of prayer! I am so blessed to say, "I have options...the sky is the limit" and so on...but it also makes it harder to decipher which is THE one God is calling me to. 

One option is moving home. I can live with my parents again and pick right back up at the Y teaching swim lessons and I can look for other jobs as well. This would be great because I would be home again, with my home church family and I can babysit all my little kiddos that I miss so so much! 

A huge part of my heart is calling me back to Haiti. Back to my little ones I love so much. A part of me is wanting to see if I could live in a third world country forever. Six weeks was great but not long-enough 'to know.' If that even truly exists. All I have ever wanted to do was be a mom and in Haiti, I was. I held and rocked babies, fed them, snuggled them through tears and bad days. Taught them to walk, sang to them. I fell in love. My heart is longing for this again. I don't know if this is a real possibility or if it is just another 'maybe'...but either way the thought is running through my mind. 

Another option I have is staying in Portland. This one seems the 'least likely' option but it is an option none-the-less and I trust that if this is what God wants for me, he will show me that. 

Also, at our All-School Retreat in September, the guest speaker was a pastor from a church in central California. Long story short, we got talking and he suggested I contact them about a possible internship at their church working in Children's Ministry. This is also a possibility. 

As of now, I have contacted this pastor and am in communication as to what the 'details' would be. And I am praying hard and praying fast that God will provide for me both financially this semester and on as well as provide clarity on where he is wanting me to go. It is a really strange place to be...job-less, nearly broke and months away from a huge life transition. I find comfort in knowing that as I continue to seek God, He will continue to make clear my path. 

Again, please join me in prayer. I don't know where God is wanting me to go, but I trust that everything will become clear 'in His time.' I can not wait for the day when I can look back at now and say, 'I get it. It all makes sense. God WAS working.' I KNOW He is and I KNOW he knows where He wants me. I am clinging to this truth and trusting that God is going to do something huge. 

Ecclesiastes 3:11 - 'He has made everything beautiful in its time.'